We don't need to ask, we already know you guys are doing great. Please don't be annoyed, but we don't really need your free midnight calls. We don't want to exhaust our hard-earned N300 airtime to get N1,500 worth of free "On-net Only" airtime which expires at midnight, and which, by the way, we couldn't use due to "network congestion". We don't want to join any Club, or Migrate to anywhere, and we're tired of memorizing weird codes just so we can add or delete the latest loving or annoying member of Family & Friends. We don't want to send a text and win N1billion worth of airtime, or load N200 and win a brand new aeroplane. But you guys have a really great sense of humour, seriously!
Rather, these are the things we truly want.
1. Firstly and most importantly, we want you to take the Plane Money, the N1billion free airtime money, and all your other promo ad budgets, and use it to improve your networks. To say the least, your Services are terrible! Also, extend your network coverage to the hinterlands and villages, especially those that our major highways pass through. This will go a long way in improving our safety and security.
2. We want you to drastically reduce your off-net call tariffs, and reduce to the barest minimum your on-net call tariffs. You can even give us free weekend calls if you wish, but this should be well after you've improved the quality of your network, otherwise there's no point. We know you can do this. And it's actually better than losing sleep over "some midnight call".
3. We want you to invest half of your yearly ad budgets into developing new technologies that would "at least" enable us to load our phones through our phones, without the Services of a third party (Retailer, ATM, et al.) Believe it or not, there's a whole lot more you could do with a little investment in technology, but this is the least. It's not rocket science!
4. We want you to give us more free data packages and free text messages. To pay for these, stop sending us unnecessary text messages. Imagine how much you guys would lose if you had to pay (like we do) for all those annoying text messages you send us daily. And why we're not dialling 141 is not because we didn't see your last text, or the 13 others before it, no. It's just because we don't want to, period!
5. Finally, and this is also very important, we want you to please join heads and hands (or legs and tails, whatever!) and come up with something like a National Security & Emergency Network Unit, with its own unique and easily assimilated number like 911, 199, 111, 666, 419, etc., to help our emergency and security outfits in their operations. This should be a 24/7 Toll Free Number across all networks, and should be immune to the regular "not responding" disease that affects other numbers. You can set this up as a call centre in every state capital and link them to all the security, rescue, fire, health, disaster, emergency, etc., outfits in that state, in a way that, from wherever a call is made to that number, it will automatically ring at the emergency unit closest to the caller. You can decide to run the outfit, or better still, hand it over to the government; while you provide the technology and the technical know-how. This, I can assure you, would count as your highest Corporate Social Responsibility to the Nation.
Our dear GSM Operators, all our above requests are definitely achievable within one year, and we know you can do it if you want to. And please don't talk about dearth of funds, cos we know how much you guys make as profit-after-tax yearly.
So think about it, if you really want us to "feel free", or want us to know that you're truly with us "everywhere we go", then grant all our requests as listed above. Cos doing these will endear you to us so much more than by trying to cause "bad belle" between the rest of us and the unlucky person who'll eventually win the mythical Plane. Thanks for listening.
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